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A little about me...
You wonder where my secret lies...
Name: You wonder where my secret lies...
What I have been up to
Back February 2013
Words to Live By:
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Help end world hunger

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost

"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we ourselves had undergone a change in attitude."
-Katherine Mansfield

"Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
For only the hand of God can contain your hearts. "

-Kahil Gibran
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page summary
Phenomenal Woman
I am a woman Phenomenally

Richard asked why I love here is a list I can add to as I think of things... (In no particular order)

  • He encourages me when I want to give up.

  • He loves me, just as I am, sad and depressed or silly and crazy.

  • He sends virtual hugs to cheer me up when he isn't with me

  • He makes sure I take care of myself...I tend to forget o eat or take my meds.

  • He suffers through parties with people he doesn't know just to see me smile

  • He goes places he doesn't want to go just because I mentioned I wanted to go.

  • He pushes his limits to meet mine.

  • He still knocks me off my feet when I look in his eyes.

  • He gives good spankings. :)

  • He holds me tight

  • He respects my rules and boundaries even when he wants to ignore them.

So I will come back and add to this list as I think of things...

Current Location: Houston, TX
How I am feelin: loved loved
What I am watching/listening to: Seasons of Love

I guess I should update this journal occasionally... I use Facebook more often these days because most of my friends and family are there and it is easier to keep up with them.

I turned 43 over the weekend, got bifocals last week and have realized (but NOT accepted) that I am officially MIDDLE AGED! Shocking I know, I don't feel like it.  I think it is all a state of mind and I refuse to act or think like someone who is middle aged. So THERE! :P

I am in a job I love this year, so that is great! It is more work than one person can handle, but the people I work with are made of AWESOME!  They pitch in whenever they can and are totally supportive.  Nothing like the hell I was in last year! Granted the money could be better, but hey that is true of most jobs.  I also love most of the kids I am working with...there is always those couple that make it real hard to love them.

I have been blessed with a small group of friends who I consider family that I get to see at least once a week! My best friend has provided me with two beautiful boys to spoil and love. Also, it is great because I can give them back at the end of the day or when they start acting up! :p

This is more complicated...and hard to talk about, but is also something I think I need to work on doing.

The man I love, the man I have dated for the last six years is not who I thought he was. Literally. His name is not his name.  He was using an alias because he is married. Our story is long and complicated.  When we met it was never supposed to be anything more than a fun time.  I had just gotten out of a relationship and was not looking for another one.  I didn't know it, but he was/is unhappily married looking to find a little happiness. He has children and is afraid of losing them, that is why he is still married.

I found all this out before Christmas... It was hard. I hurt in ways I never thought I could.  I still do sometimes.

We are still together...I love him.  The fact he is such a good father and adores his kids makes me love him all the more.  Yes, I want him with me all the time, but I also understand his fears.  It is something he is working on.

My friends and the family I have told have been amazing.  They are prepared to accept whatever I decide makes me happy.  Right now it is to continue loving him.

Time is short, so I will have to revisit this topic.

Other Miscellany
I have helped one of my best friends start a church ( which is kind of funny since I am not sure what I believe in any more.  The basis of the church is all inclusive and accepting of all lifestyles and personal choices.  I believe that the pastor (my best friend) is a good man with good intentions to create a place of love, faith and hope.

I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas, so far it is great to play SIMS on :P

My father didn't call me for my birthday...I am slightly hurt. We would have just verbally sparred over my life choices to work with the poor and downtrodden, but still...

Current Location: Houston, TX
How I am feelin: happy happy
What I am watching/listening to: My Life Would Suck Without You

Originally posted by haikujaguar at In the Future, All Space Marines Will Be Warhammer 40K Space Marines

In mid-December, Games Workshop told Amazon that I’d infringed on the trademark they’ve claimed for the term “space marine” by titling my original fiction novel Spots the Space Marine. In response, Amazon blocked the e-book from sale [original post and update]. Since then, I’ve been in discussion with Games Workshop, and following their responses, with several lawyers.

To engage a lawyer to defend me from this spurious claim would cost more money than I have, certainly more than the book has ever earned me. Rather than earning money for my family, I’d be taking money from them, when previously my writing income paid for my daughter’s schooling. And I’d have to use the little time I have to write novels to fight a protracted legal battle instead.

In their last email to me, Games Workshop stated that they believe that their recent entrée into the e-book market gives them the common law trademark for the term “space marine” in all formats. If they choose to proceed on that belief, science fiction will lose a term that’s been a part of its canon since its inception. Space marines were around long before Games Workshop. But if GW has their way, in the future, no one will be able to use the term “space marine” without it referring to the space marines of the Warhammer 40K universe.

I used to own a registered trademark. I understand the legal obligations of trademark holders to protect their IP. A Games Workshop trademark of the term “Adeptus Astartes” is completely understandable. But they’ve chosen instead to co-opt the legacy of science fiction writers who laid the groundwork for their success. Even more than I want to save Spots the Space Marine, I want someone to save all space marines for the genre I grew up reading. I want there to be a world where Heinlein and E.E. Smith’s space marines can live alongside mine and everyone else’s, and no one has the hubris to think that they can own a fundamental genre trope and deny it to everyone else.

At this point I’m not sure what course to take. I interviewed five lawyers and all of them were willing to take the case, but barring the arrival of a lawyer willing to work pro bono, the costs of beginning legal action start at $2000 and climb into the five-figure realm when it becomes a formal lawsuit. Many of you don’t know me, so you don’t know that I write a business column/web comic for artists; wearing my business hat, it’s hard to countenance putting so much time and energy into saving a novel that hasn’t earned enough to justify it. But this isn’t just about Spots. It’s about science fiction’s loss of one of its foundational tropes.

I have very little free time and very little money. But if enough people show up to this fight, I’ll give what I can to serve that trust. And if the response doesn’t equal the level of support I would need, then I still thank you for your help and your well wishes. For now, step one is to talk about this. Pass it on to your favorite news source. Tell your favorite authors or writers’ organizations. To move forward, we need interest. Let’s generate some interest.

I am available for questions for anyone who has them; you can reach me at haikujaguar at gmail. Thanks, everyone.


Finally, several of you have asked about the Spots the Space Marine charity. I have always donated a portion of my profits from the sale of the book (in all editions, serial, e-book and print) to The Wounded Warrior Project, a charity recommended to me by the servicemen and servicewomen who also helped me with my many questions while writing. I’m not sure when Spots the Space Marine will be available again, but until I figure it out, I commend this charity to you. There would be no space marines without the real thing.

Mirrored from MCAH Online.

How do I stop him from being the first thing I think of when I rise and the last thing I long for when I sleep?
How do I stop my heart from yearning for that which it cannot have?

You would think I would be used to this by now, four time now I have given my heart to have it shattered before me.

Tags: ,
Current Location: Houston, TX
How I am feelin: dejected
What I am watching/listening to: Misirlou - 2 Cellos

I am lost.

Tags: ,
How I am feelin: crushed crushed

Originally posted by grail76 at Livejournal, come on.
Originally posted by shes_unreal at Livejournal, come on.
Originally posted by boosette at Livejournal, come on.
Point of reference, this is IMO something I think is worth getting upset over, rather than silly design changes.

Originally posted by marguerite_26 at Livejournal, come on.
Originally posted by jennybliss at Livejournal, come on.
Originally posted by tralfamadore at Livejournal, come on.
Originally posted by zeitgeistic at Livejournal, come on.
Alright, I am not drunk enough to deal with this, so I'm just going to put out this PSA:

Livejournal Scrapbook is going away. Your 10GB of Paid Member space is now 2GB. If you care, there is an explanation in Russian on the Russian news page. There's also a user-submitted translation.

+ You will no longer have access to your Scrapbook once this goes live.
+ Your images will redirect, but the URL will be different.
+ Unable to tell what will happen to any photos you have that put you over the 2GB limit.
+ Back up your Scrapbook just in case.
+ If you want your photos transferred over now instead of waiting, let them know here.

Which December holidays do you celebrate, and why? One random answer will win a $50 Amazon gift card. [Details here]


Originally posted by kylecassidy at post
Clark feels better.

He had surgery and they removed two pieces of corroded metal from his stomach which he likely ingested while trying to eat food attached to it. He can stand on his own now and enjoys people and mealtimes.

The best way you can help Clark or cats like him is by fostering or adopting. City Kitties is currently filled to capacity and in desperate need of foster homes -- people who can care for a cat for a minimum of three months (six months preferred) City Kitties pays all the vet bills. Their foster link is here. There are many cats with stories just as sad as Clark's who are looking for a person who will be kind to them.

Click to donate.

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Originally posted by ofenjen at Lily Update

Lily got to see a vet today and has had an exam, bloodwork and x-rays. She's been vaccinated and tested negative for FLV. All good things. Despite her injured leg, she is a healthy and incredibly friendly kitten. My sister said the vet had a hard time hearing her heartbeat because she was purring so loudly.

Now, here's the crazy part.

If you get angry easily, you better sit down for this.

The problem with her leg?

She was shot. Her tiny leg is full of shrapnel from the elbow joint down. It's likely she'll have to have it amputated.

I have no words. A kitten. SHOT.

She will have a consultation with an orthopedic surgeons soon to see what, if anything, can be done for her leg. The current estimate for surgery is $1500. That is just the surgery and does not include today's exam and tests or having her spayed, which sounds like it will have to be after her leg has healed.

In defiance of the completely heartless idiot did this to her we, my friends, will do our best to put this right. My sister and her husband are keeping Lily. She has a good home, now we just need to help her get the care she needs. I have pledged to help my sister and her hubby in any way I can so we can help Lily get better and have a healthier, happier life. Altogether, her fees look to be in the $2000 range. She is young, and other than her injury, she is healthy, and she is undeniably a people cat and is already responding well to the love and care she's receiving.

To every single person that has already donated to help Lily, I thank you and my sister sends her thanks. I can't even begin to express in words how much your generosity means to us. We've already raised $140 towards Lily's care, and that is in less than 24 hours. YOU ALL ROCK.

If you're just now finding this story and want to hear the beginning OR make a donation, you can click here for more information.


I'd like to come up with some other ways to help Lily. If you have a suggestion of something that we can do, please let me know.


Originally posted by kylecassidy at Clark Kent still hanging in there
Clark can stand up today and is feeling much better.. Also the Humane Society is investigating pressing charges against the people who did this to him. I didn't realize this but the animal cruelty cops aren't funded by the state, but by donations. You can help stick it to Clarks former "owners" by going to PSPCA.ORG and donating for "humane law enforcement".

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How I am feelin: hopeful hopeful

Originally posted by kylecassidy at post
Via Citykitties (emphasis mine):

A good samaritan found this cat today in a gutter by Clark Park, half dead. He is now at the Cat Doctor with a body temperature of 90 (normal is 102) and blood PCV of 8. The Cat Doctor housecat, Diamond, is currently donating blood to save his life. During the exam, the vet found that this cat has a microchip. When called, his "owners" reported that he was acting sick, so they put him outside. If this makes you as angry as it makes us, please channel your anger in one of two ways: visit our website at and make a donation to help us pay for his care, or share this post and encourage others to do so.

Click to donate.

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How I am feelin: apathetic apathetic

takhisis kitty, Raistlin, who is better known as Eben of Two Lumps fame is ill.  Please go to her journal and help if you can.

How I am feelin: shocked shocked

I have some ups and downs... including a stomach virus from hell, but at the three month mark I am down 29 lbs.  Almost a third of the way to my goal. 


Originally posted by kylecassidy at post
Our friend lxbean was arrested yesterday for observing the police accosting a drug user passed out near her front steps*. Reading her story it's amazing and frightening how quickly things go from "fine" to "put your hands behind your back!" and how bad these people were at de-escalation. They kept her in handcuffs for three hours before letting her go, hoping, I suppose, that she'd learned a lesson about standing up for other people. I'm glad she's not willing to let them get away with it. Advice, contacts, sympathy, and story sharing on her blog.

* I think she was actually arrested because she asked for the name of an officer she thought was behaving too aggressively, but that's not what it said on the court papers..

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Originally posted by shadesong at Last Jack update of the night.
*sigh* Okay.

Adam just got back from the animal hospital, and here's the skinny:

He definitely has a dental abscess. His jaw is definitely misaligned. We don't know why. When he's under anesthesia, they're going to see what they can find. They are running a shitload of tests - liver, cancer, infection under the abscess, seeing if the abscess has caused anything else. What happens from here will depend on what they find.

The low estimated total is $999.99.

The high estimated total is $1,835.13.

Have I mentioned that we also owe on taxes and for Explo? But Jack is family.

Starting tomorrow and until I have funds to cover Jack's treatment, I will be doing Wind Tunnel Dreams. For those who weren't here for the last round: WTD is a piece of flash fiction or poetry every day.

The theme of this WTD, because I need to be thinking about Shayara because y'know book contract and deadlines, is Shayara. You do not need to know anything about Shayara to prompt me. Random one-word prompts still work, I'll just be writing Shayara stuff out of 'em, so's you know.

If you donate and prompt me, I must use your prompt.

You can still prompt me if you can't donate, and I may use your prompt, but I'll prioritize paid prompts. If you don't have a prompt but are donating anyway, you can sponsor someone else's prompt.

There will also be a small auction. We have some collectible books, I have BPAL, I have stuff I've knitted (and I'm willing to do custom knitting). I am so not thinking about that tonight; we'll have to deal with it tomorrow.

You can leave your prompts here. If you donate, please also include your prompt in the PayPal notes field, because I may not know your legal name and want to make sure I get to your prompt if you paid for it!

Thank you and I am going to go curl up in a ball now.
Week 3 was HARD!!!  I did fall off the wagon a couple times but not too bad so I only lost 1 lbs.
Week 4 was better, but I am seriously missing bread, crackers, and chips! I lost 2.5 lbs in week 4

So the total so far is 15.5 lbs in 4 weeks.  Which is great progress I know... my counselor recommended I look to add some exercise this week ...  45 mins a week of extra movement, walking or something low impact . 

In other news, there are only 40 days left that in the school year not including weekends... It is doable, but still feels like forever.

How I am feelin: cranky cranky

5 more pounds.... so a total of 12 in two weeks! 

If this keeps up I will be so excited.
Overall it hasn't been a terrible week, I just don't do well with unstructured time.  I tend to revert to LAZYgirl and not get out of bed. 

I haven't gotten much accomplished, I also fell off the the diet one day, but not too bad, I just ate two girl scout cookies that had been delivered.  I had forgotten I had ordered them ...  I haven't had a Dr Pepper in almost two weeks so that is good, and I have increased my water by 100% at least.  Just need to keep busy and that way I am productive. 

The major success was going to the Rodeo and not eating funnel cake, roasted corn, sausage on a stick with onions and peppers, fried oreos, nachos or french fries.  It all looked and smelt so gooooooood... but I resisted!

Tomorrow is weigh in day, so we shall see how I did.

How I am feelin: congested

I lost 7 lbs in the first week. 

I know it is mostly water weight, but I am excited.  The thing I am really missing is CHEESE!!!!  and Mexican food... But I am never hungry which is good...I am drinking mostly water, with some tea and flavored waters thrown in, but at least 80 oz of water a day... I might float away. 

In other news, it is SPRING BREAK!!!!  Yay! So far I have babysat, been sick, babysat again, and gone to the dentist.  I am determined to do something fun tomorrow.  I am scheduled to go to rodeo with mom on Friday, so that is something.  I also told D I wanted to go to Galveston on Saturday and walk on beach... so I am crossing fingers that will happen.

How I am feelin: exhausted exhausted

GRRRRR is how I felt when I woke this morning.  Also tired, headachey and very cranky.  I am not hungry though ... at all... it is too the point I had to force myself to drink the morning shake, drink water and take supplements (Vitamins B6 &12 and Digestive Enzymes)  Also the nose pad has fallen off my glasses so they hurt to wear, but I am blind without them... so YAY!  Anyway, I will persevere and make it through the day... I hear the first 5 days are the worst... so only 2 more to go... Also, Spring Break starts Friday afternoon!  YAY! 

How I am feelin: bitchy bitchy